Are you an Active Listener?

This blog is a comprehensive guide to active listening, emphasizing its importance and offering practical techniques. Active listening is described as an approach where the listener is fully engaged and focused on understanding the speaker's message. This involves not only hearing the words but also comprehending the speaker's perspective, even if the listener does not necessarily agree.

Being a good listener is key to avoiding misunderstandings

Techniques for Active Listening

The following techniques may sound simple enough, but quite often they are ignored (even by native speakers). If you have seen any video clips on YouTube of people arguing, most likely they are not doing any of the following:

Paraphrasing: Restating what the speaker has said in your own words. This will ensure that the listener's understanding is correct. More importantly, this shows the speaker that their message is being considered carefully. What does this look like? Try using examples such as:

"What I’m hearing is…" "Sounds like you are saying…".

"So, as you see it, ...."

Clarifying: Asking the speaker to explain certain points to ensure a clear understanding. This might also reveal something that you misunderstood. Use these phrases: "Can you say more about…?"

"I’m not sure I understand. Do you mean that…?"

"Let me see if I got this straight. You said that..."

Reflecting: This technique involves communicating back the speaker’s feelings and content to show empathy and understanding. This can deepen the discussion and is basically a way to show that you are trying to understand the speaker's viewpoints. These phases are helpful:

"It seems like you felt…"

"So, you’re saying that you were feeling…"

"I get the sense that you were feeling more angry than frightened. Is that right?"

Summarizing: Summing up the key points of what the speaker has shared to help both parties focus on the most important aspects. Anyone good at sales or business will recognize this technique immediately. Use phrases such as:

"Let me summarize what I heard so far…"

"I think I’ve heard several things that seem important to you…"

"It sounds like the most important two things for you are ... and ..."

Common Roadblocks to Good Listening

So what is the opposite of being a good listener? What tends to shut down communication and mutual understanding? Do your best to minimize these behaviors that can hurt effective listening:

• Fixing: Offering solutions too quickly, which can dismiss the speaker's feelings or thoughts. Husbands tend to do this. Over the years as a husband, I have learned when to shut up and just listen.

• Evaluating: Judging or giving unwanted advice. This can be seen as taking a side in an argument or even create an unintended threatening tone.

• Diverting: Changing the subject or focusing on one's own agenda will not be taken well. Avoid minimizing what the speaker says and keep the focus on them.

• Interrupting: Cutting off the speaker, which can disrupt the flow of communication, is never the mark of a good listener. Be patient. Sometimes the speaker just needs to vent frustration and let off steam.
  

Final Tips for Effective Listening

The guide suggests listening more than talking, allowing the speaker to finish, asking open-ended questions, and being aware of personal biases. It also advises managing emotions, being attentive to both ideas and problem-solving opportunities, and providing verbal and nonverbal cues that indicate listening.

In summary, active listening is a critical skill for effective communication, requiring patience, empathy, and a conscious effort to understand the speaker's perspective. This guide provides a useful framework for developing and practicing your advanced listening skills.

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